Suddenly there was that feeling again; being locked into an online
existence. We often communicate with each other via social media. We meet in an
artificial, digital environment and try to show how we are doing with beautiful
pictures and sweet talk. I often find the images that are created in this way
very rosy though I even participate in them sometimes. To be honest, I don't
feel the need to share arguments and setbacks on social media. I like to share
sensitive topics during an actual meeting. Sitting next to or opposite each
other and telling how we are really doing while looking at each other and
reading each other's body language. For me it is precisely those non-verbal
signals that tell more than words. It is the body language, such as the glance,
the moving or static pupils, crying, or wiping away a tear, or a subtly
perceptible color and structure of the skin. Each variant has a meaning and
therefore we can sense and question each other, and connect with each other.
That body language cannot be digitized, no, not even with a cam.
Behind that feeling of being trapped in an online existence
is actually my desire to meet people more often instead of interacting through
social media. The existence before “Social media” came along, that made us
forget important social skills, such as having a good conversation and looking
at each other regularly, having time for each other, listening carefully to
each other, being patient and polite, letting someone finish talking, and so
on. Although I have had my desire already for years, I feel that this desire is
getting stronger. I have a minimalist lifestyle that means I hardly own
anything. Although that is a fantastic feeling, it is also becoming
increasingly clear to me that social skills can also be minimized, in the
absence of practice.
Do I therefore only want physical meetings and renounce all
social media? The idea of shutting down my online existence completely can make
me shudder and relax at the same time. Shuddering because I also see advantages
in digital communication and relaxed because then I no longer have to experience
the pressure of participating in publishing and responding to other people's
publications. Be that as it may, the actual encounters remain the most
important social binder for me.
Offline existence
The use of social media impoverishes my offline existence as
a human being. In recent years I have experienced a growing reluctance to
connect with other people through face-to-face encounters, which I used to do
so easily and willingly earlier in my life. Now I wonder who I want to connect
with and who finds it interesting to meet me. Was my engagement to Szilvia
partly due to that reluctance to connect with others through actual encounters?
Did I perhaps think that if I connected permanently with one person, I wouldn't
have to do the same with more people? And why didn't I recently play guitar and
sing on the bus with a young Hungarian man? I got the chance and I felt the
desire. I used to sing and play the guitar without a doubt. Still, I didn't try
now. What a missed opportunity! A week or so ago I met a man in Valletta who
had written “HUG?” on a piece of cardboard. He handed out hugs to anyone who
wanted it. What a great idea and why didn't I come up with that myself and
didn't start doing it myself. It suits me so well.
I also experience more and more that it has become more
difficult to meet people I know. Everyone is so busy and the attention span for
a topic of conversation is getting shorter and shorter. Meeting each other
takes a lot more time than a conversation via social media. An online chat
takes a few minutes on average, sometimes even less than a minute. But if you
want to meet, you start to arrange a moment. Then you go to the meeting place
and take the time to do something or talk about something with each other. That
can take hours. But it can also be brief encounters with a stranger. Let's talk
about life. I love that and I'm starting to realize that I'm missing the actual
encounters more and more. Lovely talks together. I seek connection with other
people by getting together with acquaintances and addressing strangers. I want
to listen and talk about what lives in us. Facebook started as a platform to
make connections, but that is no longer the main goal. Everything is aimed at
getting as much attention as possible through content. The users have become
products of the big tech companies. They collect information about you in order
to send you targeted advertisements.
I experience that the frequent use of social media has a bad
influence on our social skills. It individualizes us and we are less inclined
to form strong, long-lasting connections with others. In addition, the use of
social media is highly addictive. I am sometimes surprised that there are no
rules for the use of social media, especially for young people. After all,
under the age of eighteen we are not allowed to buy tobacco and alcohol and not
make large purchases without the permission of our parents. We are also not
allowed to go to the casino yet. But we do get a telephone when we are about
twelve years old and sometimes even earlier. My impression is that the
adolescents do not learn to perform a conversation well, because the majority
of communication takes place digital. I think something is wrong there.
Anyway, I really want more meetings with friends, acquaintances
and strangers passing by. I have lived in Malta for almost six years and only
have my partner and one acquaintance whom I meet regularly. I think that's a
meager score and I'm going to do something about it......... Who wants to help
me?
