A lie or the truth

[Beschikbaar in Nederlands]

Today it is about how the lying isolates us and the truth connects us. Before we lie, we make roughly 3 considerations.

1. What do I gain with it?
2. Can they expose me?
3. What happens if others find out I lied?

Dilemma

But there is a dilemma here. We want to be successful and we also  want to be a good person or to be liked. And those things don't always go together. Most people will want to be good people. But what happens to us if the reward for having success has more value than wanting to be a good person?

Then there is a major moral dilemma, with the risk that we will make wrong choices and do bad things. Of which lying is perhaps the least unethical. But the danger is that once lying, it becomes easier to lie more often and to make lies bigger. It can become a self-reinforcing mechanism. A downward spiral. Isolating yourself more and more from society.

We can think in advance that we do not want that to happen, but once we have entered that spiral, it is not easy to get out of it again. It is of great importance that we learn to resist temptation from an early age. Not easy in this world of excess and seemingly limitless possibilities.

White lie

But what if we don't lie because of a desire for success and acceptance, but only to avoid conflicts, or not to disappoint the other person? Rather a credible excuse than the risk of a disturbed relationship? Is such a lie acceptable? The impact may seem smaller, but what is really te mater?

Suppose you have a rather jealous partner, and to prevent hassle you tell your partner that a meeting at your work took longer than normal, to declare you came home later. In reality, however, you unexpectedly came across an old love with which you briefly went for a drink to chat. With such a lie, you avoid a confrontation, but you protect the jealous side of your partner and you protect the non-autonomous side of yourself. So you bypass each other's weakness.

Wouldn't it be much better just to tell the truth? Of course, that can cause tension and arguments can arise. But it is precisely those conflicts that give the partners an excellent opportunity to develop. The one can develop his autonomy and self-respect, while the other can see that he / she must look for the cause of jealousy in himself and should not project it onto his partner.

In avoiding the truth, the partners maintain the effects of their differences and deprive themselves of the opportunity to grow in their relationship to a stronger commitment.

The choice

I have chosen for the truth and I think it is true. That takes time to learn and is not always easy and also that is the truth.

And what do you choose?

© TrefMij 19 maart 2019