01 July 2020

Choose what you want

We like to do something for someone else, sometimes against our will. We also sometimes do something with a slight hope of getting something in return. So we choose what we do. You can choose what you want.

But things happen in your life that you cannot choose, including things that you do not want. Those things happen to you.

I recently wondered what choices I made in my life in what I did, for whom I did it and why. And what things just happened to me?

I once listed it.

My teenage years

At the age of 10 I received my first watch. A nice little clock that I wore with pride. It was time to get older. In any case, it was time to look older and such a watch helped.

My twenties

At that time I had to do military service. I didn't want that. Refusing, however, was poor on your C.V. I therefore made a different choice and I managed to get an expensive education.

In my twenties I also fell in love with more women at the same time. I assumed an exclusive relationship with all of them. I made a mess of it, so many things went wrong.

Now I wonder if that was a good choice.

My thirties

Then I got married, but didn't know what I wanted. In the town hall I said: "Say no, you get two." Weird but true. Now I wonder if that was what I wanted.

There were also 3 children. It seemed - in retrospect - to just happen to me.

But I wouldn't have missed it for gold, diamonds, or anything.

My forties

I got a big job with a big salary and corresponding respect.
Now I wonder if that suited me.

There was also another lover at that time, in a tolerant construction with my wife. Now I wonder why I chose that then.

And in my forties I saw my 50th year of life approaching. I started to realize that I was starting to get over half my life and I didn't want that either. I also started to become aware of the accelerating time. The years began to fly by, where they seemed infinite before.

My fifties

The combination of realizing how long your life can last and the accelerating time brought about strong emotions and changes in me. It became clear to me that during my life I made many choices that I could not overlook. I understood better and better that I was just doing what I didn't want.

Intuitively I knew that this had to change. I just had no idea how. But the changes came naturally. I couldn't keep my job and I had to let the divorce happen. The 2 arrived at the same time and turned everything upside down. A gang and a lot of misery, but it was my way to learn to choose what I want ……… ..

When I turned 60

Oh yes, before I forget, I also turned 60. And finally I now understand that wanting something requires good choices and making choices now means that I will do it. And immediately! No Bucket List, because that is just an overview of postponed choices.

The clock that I received when I was 10 only helped me to look older. Now I don't need a watch anymore, because I have the time. The time to choose what to do. Moreover ………. I don't have to look older now. So being 60+ is great fun!

Although, ... I recently stood on the bus with my blue 60+ card in my hand, when a young boy got up and offered his seat to me. Well, that is very nice and polite of course, but it also feels double. That guy immediately realized that, because with such a look of "don't get me wrong", he said to me: "I saw your blue card ..."

© TrefMij July 2020 (reissued)

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